Here is part two of my mini blog series on ‘accepting that not everything will go to plan’ focussing on people.
This has been really quite tough to write as I personally dealt with quite a few different and difficult situations involving people during the planning of the wedding and on the wedding day itself… You can’t plan for people’s feelings and you can’t plan their actions or how those will affect you. All you can do is try to focus your energy on positive things.
If you are anything like me, you are strong minded but feel hurt easily when people let you down or behave in a way that’s just not in your nature. You can’t comprehend their behaviour because ‘I could never do that to someone’. Sound familiar?
More often than not, the majority of difficult situations involving people that do not go as you thought they would ALWAYS involve those closest to you… your family!
I followed a lot of wedding forums (like Confetti) where brides would ask advice and people would comment to help – so I have heard it ALL! From Father’s refusing to come to the wedding if X Y or Z is invited, to a cousin turning up with their new boyfriend expecting him to be worked into the table plan. Other examples include family members kicking their toys out of the pram for not being a bridesmaid to even family LEAVING the wedding half way through the day (before food is served). Outrageous and hurtful, I know, but unfortunately I don’t think you can ever be prepared or plan for these things.
This is hard for me to say, but we dealt with truly hurtful issues in the run up to our wedding. I suffered from anxiety from it for months and really took it all to heart. My husband also suffered – It was awful. I felt down for a really long time and it began to affect everything, from my weight to my performance at work. The trick that I learned, (and it took me months to get there) was to let it go.
Sounds obvious and cliché I KNOW, but even if ‘I say’ I’ve let something go I’ll still be thinking about it or still be trying to make things better. Sometimes you just have to stop involving yourself in a way that keeps that feeling and that hurt going. It’s easier sometimes to just get on with focussing on the wedding and your partner. Planning a wedding is meant to be SO EXCITING so whenever someone tries to put a dampener on that happiness, deal with it quickly, sensibly, and then MOVE FORWARD. Forgive, let go, and distance yourself from the situation as quickly as possible; do not let it consume you.
Take time out from planning the wedding. Book a last minute weekend away with your partner. Seek solace from friends and family. Do whatever it is you need to do to get back to you, so that when you start focussing on the wedding again, that chapter that you had definitely NOT expected or planned for, is over and you can start afresh.
On the wedding day itself another situation happened involving different people that was also hurtful, as I had to look at an empty chair on the table in front of us where a family member LEFT before dinner. A really good friends husband was waiting outside the venue with their baby and if I’d only know I could have either invited him to the whole day or at least sent all this wasted food out to him. Anyway, what’s done is done, and somehow we managed to not let that affect us until after we were back from our honeymoon. Shocking I KNOW! But it happens! It really does happen!
James and I have the most WONDERFUL families so all of this came as quite a shock to us as we just never expected it in a million years. This was our downfall because weddings do strange things to people, especially those closest to you. Expecting and understanding that not everyone will be happy with something that you do will definitely help. Accepting that this WILL happen will help you let it go if it does.
Just remember, that although it may be ‘your wedding day’, try to be as open minded as possible and keep family updated (if they seem to be keen to know everything). Your family are excited too, and I think, particularly for us, had we kept people in the loop at all times from day one, some issues may not have occurred in the way that they did. We didn’t do anything wrong, however as advice from me to you, and to plan for the unexpected, the more they know, the easier it will be to manage people as best as possible.
Final bit of advice – tea and a good cry heal everything!!! 🙂
Look out for next weeks part three on how to accept that not all things will go to plan…. On the Wedding Day