I am going to be honest – I have got writers block.
I’ve got some great things that I want to talk to you all about, but I’m saving them for another time. I really wanted to talk about something more personal this week – and I can’t. Find. The words! WHY? Honestly, I am not sure.
Normally, I would say ‘the fear’ or perhaps ‘excuses’ to not stick to my 90 day personal goal I set myself of blogging twice a week and opening up my heart.
But I don’t feel that it’s that… so what is it? HONESTLY… I think it’s writers block… but truthfully, maybe it is because I have all these great topics and things I want to write about where I’ll happily give my thoughts, advice and opinion. But what about me? What about something personal? Something that lets YOU know a bit more about who I am.
My friends will tell you, that I am extremely open and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am instantly trusting, chatty, friendly, empathetic.  So why can I not begin to even think of something to write about?
This week, for some reason, while I sit here, planning to write a ‘personal blog piece about me’, I am freezing. I am literally frozen.
So perhaps I’ll start with some basic descriptive words about me and I’ll see where I go with this… Right? Ok, here it goes…
My name is Philippa. My middle name is Sian… Sian as in the Welsh ‘Sharn’, NOT
See-ann. I am loyal to everyone I care about. 100%. I never falter. This, however, is probably one of my biggest personality traits that also cause me my hang ups. I am loyal. I trust. I will do anything for anyone and I would never ever cause upset to a single soul. I feel incredibly passionate about this…
Which is why I struggle to let go of things. I feel so strongly about this, that when this sense of loyalty isn’t reciprocal, I crumble, I get hurt, and I cry (a lot).  I am and have always been, ‘lovely, friendly Philippa who really is THAT nice, that she won’t mind if we XYZ, or if I ABC’. I assume, this is what those who have come and gone in my life have thought at the time. My closest friends, who have been through it all and been there at my most hurt, will have seen all of this, and probably know this about me, although it’s never been spoken about. Treating people how you would like to be treated is a great thing to follow and live by. But when you  are ‘that literal’, it definitely hits you harder when others don’t follow the same way of thought.
I am not proud, I am just sensitive. I am not a push over, I am strong because I will let go. I actually AM that nice. I am, I will proudly say it. It’s taken me YEARS to understand that not everyone is like me. And do you know what… that is O.K.
I am not perfect, and although I have always felt that my loyal, friendly and trusting nature has been what’s caused me trouble, I can see now that it’s not.
EVERYONE else, perhaps by different means, have people come in and out of their lives. Learning from all of those situations helps define who we are. I am not alone in this.
Throughout it all, what I ‘think’ I am trying to say (after having absolutely NOTHING to write about!!!!) Is I am happy with who I am. I am in a place in my life where I DO have people around me who are like ME. I know so many loyal, trusting and beautiful people. We may show it differently, but that doesn’t mean our values don’t match. It’s taken time to get to the here and now. People have come and gone, but those who remain, who have been there ALL ALONG – they were always there!!! Always. No matter what.
So I guess, this is what I may call an acceptance letter to myself – accepting me for who I am – It’s ok to be nice, it’s OK to be sensitive and cry, and its ok to put yourself out there for others. And also, this is a love letter to my friends and family – we ARE the same.
I love you xx